Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
