just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
