Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I need a hoe opinion
go on
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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