Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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