She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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