If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Success! We fucked roommates!
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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