dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize