so that wasnt chicken after all
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
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