i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize