dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
