tell your sister to shave her snatch
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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