So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
