2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
