Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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