your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
