wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
