Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
