i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I wish i was in the wii world.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
