Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
