I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
