All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
