its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
