our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
