we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
