Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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