you're like a bully in the Christmas story
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
