it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
