I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Randomize
