haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
