I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
