Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
