don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
