I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
