Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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