i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
