She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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