Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
We're too hungover to prance.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
