it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
