Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
