she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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