He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I came so hard my ears popped.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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