So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
