i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
