Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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