i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
