I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
