oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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