Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize