we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
