This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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