You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
