There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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