I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
