I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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