so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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