I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
