Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
