You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
That was before I lit my hair on fire
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
