how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
