Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize