dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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