Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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