Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
