This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
And my parents said I crawled through the house
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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