So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I intend to get homeless drunk
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize