We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
