just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
