She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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