i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
So much rum. So many feels.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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