i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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