You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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