in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
