it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
