I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
