32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
