Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Randomize
