It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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