I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i would punch a child for taco bell
I feel great
I just peed on a car
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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