Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
