I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize