Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
