I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Randomize
