You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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