When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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