Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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