from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
