just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
