hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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