she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
