Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Randomize
