what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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